“Nearest Book Thing” meme
From the “AMA Manual of Style” … “Even if the name of a publishing firm has changed, use the name that was given on the published work.”
Shows you what’s on my desk, near my computer!! Let’s see yours :)
Nearest Book Thing Rules:
* Grab the book nearest you. Right now.
* Don’t dig for your favorite book, the coolest, the most intellectual. Use the CLOSEST.
* Turn to page 56.
* Find the fifth sentence.
* Post that sentence here, and along with these instructions, on your blog.
Death with dignity
A friend sent me this poem, in honor of the Death with Dignity act passing in Washington State this past election:
meditation on a falling leaf
A single tender leaf
Yawns and stretches wide
Turning to face the warm,
Settling in
Wholly individual and complete
Undeniably part of the whole.
In the fullness of time
And dressed for the occasion
Surrenders to the moment of her choosing.
I alone am there
To honor and admire
That final graceful pirouette.
Love as chemistry
I’m lying around today, thinking about the chemistry of love. Well, maybe not love, exactly, since it seems to hit before you even know it’s love. The metaphor that pops into my head is a covalent bond (yeah, yeah, I’m a chemist after all). You know – you barely get close to someone and boom! you’re bonded. You didn’t get any say in the matter, and now you’re sharing your electrons, er, your soul or your life energy or whatever, with this other person – to the point where they’re no longer your electrons or their electrons, but completely indistinguishable, in an electron cloud sort of way.
Maybe you’re now a hydrogen atom, and all your electrons are shared, with just a little nucleus of your own. Or maybe you’re a larger atom, with plenty of spheres of your own and just part of you is shared. And then there’s that case where one of you is sharing your all and the other … isn’t. You can’t necessarily help what kind of atom you are, much less what kind of bond you’re sharing.
The thing about this is, no matter how far you are from this person, you’ve still got some of their energy and they still have some of yours. I’ve felt this way about two people since I’ve been single – one is now separated and still trying to work out his stuff, and the other is married. On both occasions the bond formed on the very first day. I don’t think we had any choice in the matter. The latter one has been more or less successfully sublimated into a close friendship. The other remains a source of confusion, love, sadness, and desire – since he’s now away trying to make some kind of decision.
Here’s what I’m talking about. I went out on a date the other night with a perfectly nice man – one who shares many interests, from birdwatching to politics to practical environmental solutions. Who also shares my mix of geekiness and social left-of-mainstream, practicality and sensuality. Who was reasonably attractive, and by any measure, should have been someone I would want to see again. But all I could feel about it afterwards was frustration and some measure of anger at my former lover, above.
I’m STILL not sure what that was all about, but one thing is clear – I’m obviously not ready to date yet, even though I feel the need for company. My electrons are still too mixed up in someone else’s spheres. Someone who, even if he untangles himself from his other bonds, may not be capable of really being there for me for some time, if ever. I guess maybe I’m blaming him for not being here, for me having to go out and do this stupid dating thing. Somehow I just don’t expect it to bring me the kind of bond I’m looking for, the kind of instant bond that could somehow redirect my energy away from the past.
People say you should be friends with someone before falling in love, really get to know them, marry your best friend. I did that, and it didn’t work out. That feels to me (OK, I’m getting all geeky again) like an ionic bond. Sometimes those are strong enough to last – but they can be pried loose. They’re not really mingled in the same way – with ionic bonds, circumstances and surroundings matter. The last third of my marriage felt like one in which we were bonded, but each entirely in our own lives – each holding our own energy but somehow expecting the bond to last. Needless to say, it didn’t. It got looser and looser until it felt more like van der Waal’s forces… a little ion in search of a bond floating in a sea of emotions, sometimes connecting, sometimes not.
It feels like I’m waiting for that covalent bond to hit. Either for my guy to decide that he feels this one the way I do, or for someone else to come along and bond in that inescapable, undeniable way. I don’t want to sit there and think – this is a nice guy but why aren’t I feeling anything? I’ll know that shift in my energy if I meet it again.
Or maybe I can become a transition metal :D (Only a few of you will get that joke )
Impressions
Lately I seem to be suffering from a bit of writer’s block. I tell myself I’m going to blog and then I don’t – but blogging is good. It helps connect me to my friends and others in the world, and lets things out that need to come out. And I enjoy reading other people’s blogs; I’m sure my Mom would have been an inveterate writer of blogs had they existed when she started journaling :)
So in an attempt to break the block, I’ll just offer up a few impressions from the last few days:
Receiving my copy of Newsweek with “PRESIDENT OBAMA” on the cover and his smiling face. Woohoo! OK, I know, enough politics. Still, it was a long-looked-for moment.
Being grateful (again) that I managed to get such good new neighbors – I was able to hook up their daughter, who loves horses, with a colleague that has a place for her to work and train, and they’re going to take care of my cat while I’m travelling this winter. Knowing how my cat is, they’re even planning to send the same person over each day so Sophie can get to know one of them and feel comfortable. Serious animal whisperers next door :)
Noticing that the most popular posts on my blog when I’m not writing much are a series I wrote about dreams, all the different types, how to remember them, and how to get rid of nightmares. I’ll have to look and see if I can add anything to that.
Wondering if all the tweeting I do and read is interfering with my blogging time :D
Annoyed with my little Bose Wave stereo for the first time ever because the remote’s batteries are dead and IT HAS NO CONTROLS. There oughta at least be some backup ones for just this reason :) I’m having NPR withdrawal. And one of my best CDs is stuck inside because I can’t eject it :D
Proselytizing about the joys of macaroni & cheese again to my tarot group! Some buy/cook/love it, some don’t get it…
Thinking that my cat purposely rotates around among all my dining room chairs to get fur on each one, no matter how much I vacuum after her. Probably her way of getting back at me for not letting her in the bedroom at night.
OK, that’s a start! Feel free to add your own random observations in the comments, triggered by these :)
My favorite season
I really need to get a digital camera that works – my posts have been sadly devoid of pictures lately. But I just had to share this mental image with you. Fall is probably my favorite season – the late, unexpected sunny weather, the brilliant leaves, crisp clear days, and moonlight. Even the slightly foggy, cooler colors we’re getting now feel good to me.
For the last month, I’ve been enjoying a particular sight – in my new house in Olympia there’s a big picture window in the garage. That’s kind of odd, but I think it’s because that wall faces out onto the street and it makes the house look more friendly.
Across the street are these maple trees that have been turning all kinds of flaming colors. So, whenever I step into my garage to go somewhere, the whole garage is dark except for this one window filled with brilliant reds, yellows, oranges. I have to just stop for a minute and appreciate it, before going off to my meeting or whatever. Of course I get to see it again driving down the street, but that moment in the dark always catches me by surprise :)
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